Walking through times of suffering is when I have experienced the most spiritual growth in my relationship with the Lord. These often painful and difficult moments have helped shape me into who I am today. Can you relate?

After college, I worked in a very toxic environment at a job that I did not enjoy. I was belittled and criticized, and it seemed that nothing I did was good enough for my boss. Being at work was a daily emotional roller coaster that I desperately wanted to end.

I had only known the Lord for about five years at this point, but I wouldn’t say that I walked closely with Him or depended upon Him. I depended upon my well-paying job to provide for all my needs, and it was more a part of my identity than being a follower of Jesus Christ. When I lost my job in 2007, many emotions ran through me, and I was inconsolable. I felt like the rug was ripped out from underneath me.

Since I had no way to pay rent, I moved in with a friend while her husband was deployed in Afghanistan. I remember feeling so completely lost. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Negativity consumed me and I struggled with feeling grateful for what I did have. I was angry with God, and I could feel myself drifting away from Him. I was angry at myself, too, for not making better choices with my finances. I was convinced that God was punishing me for my poor choices, and I listened to the lie that no one understood what I was going through.

It was through the help of a close friend that my eyes were opened. She suggested that I read through the book of Psalms and write down words that described who God is in each one. The more time I spent doing this, the closer I felt to God. Little by little, I began to see who God really was. I could also see that He was right there with me, walking with me one step at a time.

God used this to draw me closer to Him. Over the next several months, I learned what it meant to trust in the Lord and to depend upon Him for all that I need. I learned what it meant to seek after Him with all my heart. I learned the truth about who God is and who I am in Christ. The lies I had been believing for so many years were exposed, and God began to bring healing into my life where I needed it the most. As Ephesians 3:20 NLT says, God is truly:

…able to accomplish infinitely more than we could ever ask or think.

The truth is, God did not cause me to lose my job, but He did use my job loss to draw me closer to Him. God also chose to use that loss as a way to set me free from a toxic work environment that regularly filled my mind with lies about who I am.

What, or who, is your image rooted in?

The older I get, the more confident and comfortable I become with who I am. I think that this is partly due to maturity and regulated hormones, as well as finding security in who God created me to be. But, as we’ve seen in the world around us, our identity is majorly under attack, almost constantly. For some of us it may be sexuality, our role as a parent, or our purpose in life. One of my greatest identity challenges started just as the COVID-19 pandemic took over the world… I was diagnosed with a chronic disease that was influencing every single part of my life.

It was just before I was set to undergo surgery that someone in my team here in South Africa shared this Scripture:

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10 ESV)

It came at a time where I was seriously questioning my identity as a child of God. I was struggling to understand why, after so many years and months of prayer for healing, I was still not healed and still in so much pain and discomfort. I was questioning God’s goodness for me, for my family, for who I was trying my best to be for Him. I was looking at people around me sharing incredible testimonies of God’s intervention, sharing about His goodness, and living out profound purposes for His kingdom.

And here I was, in my own eyes, failing miserably. I saw myself as a bad wife, an underperforming employee, and a horrible friend. That became how I identified myself.

This was exactly how the enemy was using my situation to distract me from God. The Scripture above reminded me that our identity and self-image is a big thing. The way we view ourselves has a massive impact on our thinking patterns, decision-making and the way we treat people.

Sometimes we become so busy and consumed, that before we know it, we base our value and worth on how we perform at work, at home, academically, our influence on social media—the list can be endless. All of these things are fleeting. Some days they go well, some days they go very badly – or even some long seasons go badly. I was so caught up in a bad season that I forgot the simple truths that had anchored me for so many years. I became so consumed with myself that I didn’t look to the Word for truth, I didn’t spend time in prayer seeking His comfort and gentle whispers, I didn’t rely on His grace to carry me through my trials.

This Scripture reminded me to get back to the basics. God prepared His good works, His workmanship—He prepared you and me—before we were even born so that we could walk in His promises and goodness. The only sure thing to root and anchor our identity in is God. We were created in His image (Genesis 1), He formed us intentionally and with purpose (Psalm 139), and He never changes—our value and worth will never change.

If you are struggling through your own hard season and have lost sight of your identity in Christ, recite this Scripture over and over until it feels real. Say it out loud, write it down, and put it where you can see it, and as I stand here in agreement with you, pray for God to make your identity in Him ever more real in your day-to-day life and trials.

The Book of Books

“Guilt!?! Do I hear guilt?” My friend could easily make me laugh. Even though I laughed every time she asked, her question awakened me to the fact that I’d chosen to shoulder guilt rather than let it go.

Guilt feels to me like a heavy, dark secret that others should never see. Yet, something as simple as making a minor blunder with a choice of words or a course of action can send me spiraling down into guilt. Often, it’s twin, shame, would come along for the ride. It could be nothing deep and dark to anyone, except to me! Still the guilt and shame dogged me.

I confided in my friend about everything. She knew things about me that only she and God knew. For years she would ask, “Guilt, do I hear guilt?”  Then she would follow with a second question, “Jesus died for that, so why are you carrying it?”

Great question. Why was it so easy to slip into the darkness where my less-than-stellar life events were tucked away? The place where when things went wrong, I believed I deserved it – I knew those secrets.  Sometimes it was as simple as, “I should have said this instead of that.” Or “Why did I do that?” Or “When will I learn to think through things instead of embarrassing myself?”  You know the questions.

When she moved across the country, I found the person asking those questions was ME! The answers were invariably, “Yes, I DO hear guilt.” and “Yes, Jesus DID die for that.” So, how do I get out from under that burden? I know. I know… repent! (Hearing that very word – REPENT – carried more guilt!)

In chapel one day, I heard a simple teaching that changed everything. When the teacher started talking about ‘repentance’ I had this sinking feeling, “Oh no. That’s all I need, one more message to make me feel worse about myself.”

But it didn’t go that way. He wasn’t preachy or condemning. He simply stated the fact that repent is made up of two Greek words, ‘meta’, meaning change, and ‘noeō’ meaning the mind. It means to change your mind! What a revelation! Think differently.

I had work to do. I had to learn that when I repented, God heard me and forgave me. That’s where I had to change my mind. It is finished! Once I go to Him and say, “Please forgive me”, it is done. That change of mind has carried me a long way.

As I learn to think differently, I am enjoying a new element of freedom I never imagined. Paul had it right when he said,

Therefore, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live [and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit. (Romans 8:1, AMPC).

Go ahead and read all of Romans 8.  Boy-oh-boy! Talk about freedom.

Take Him at His Word, dark places are illuminated with His Life. He has brought us to this point of joy and liberty to empower us to be who we want to be in Him. Better yet, He’s setting us up to live our lives as He designed us from the foundation of the world.

Even as [in His love] He chose us [actually picked us out for Himself as His own] in Christ before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy (consecrated and set apart for Him) and blameless in His sight, even above reproach, before Him in love (Ephesians 1:4).

We live in a guilt-free zone! Thanks to Jesus!

Today’s Devotions

I never imagined I would become a CBN host. Since I was little, I was always very shy, in addition to having a small attention deficit that made me be more in the clouds than able to follow the thread of a conversation. I liked to sing, so I cultivated that dream, and at age 19, it led me to be in media circles.

I worked hard, and although I could sing in front of thousands of people, my social skills remained the same. My heart seemed like a bottomless barrel, and nothing filled it… until I met Jesus Christ. I was finally able to experience the joy that I had long sought. I wanted to tell the entire world that Jesus Christ is real, that He really exists!

Then came the invitation to become part of Vive Más, but the idea of not being able to do well terrified me. I thought if I could not follow a conversation, then how could I interview someone? However, the wonderful production team embraced me and never got tired of supporting me. This experience brought a most special meaning to me from this verse:

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Galatians 6:9-10 NIV).

Currently, the Vive Más program has been running for more than four years and God continues to develop my communication skills to carry His message through it. We share God’s wonderful works and see how people are rescued for His kingdom, day by day.

But something completely unexpected also happened during my journey. I can now carry on a conversation! God uses music to take me to places where there are many people who do not know Christ, and my new skills in conversation allow me to share Christ wherever He leads me.

He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation” (Mark 16:15).

Sowing the Word of God is sowing love, and in due time we will reap what we sow. This love will not necessarily come from those people with whom we share, but God’s love will fill our hearts with the joy of His presence and the knowledge that we are fulfilling His will in our lives. We may not see the fruit, but we can rejoice in having participated in the work! In this way, we will not get tired of doing good, because our joy is already fulfilled.

Let us do good all the time seeking to reflect God with our behavior, love, and patience. Let us not expect to see all the work finished overnight. Instead, let us sow patiently and in due time we will reap precious fruit with an abundance we never imagined. It is a fallen and oppositional world but we can focus on the fact that one day the work will be complete, and we will enjoy the reward that comes from the Lord.

“Tell the righteous it will be well with them, for they will enjoy the fruit of their deeds” (Isaiah 3:10).

The greatest reward is to be able to serve and be useful tools in the hands of the Lord. Let us not grow weary of doing good, because even if we do not have the skills, those whom God calls, He trains.

What is the weak area of ​​your life that you need to give to the Lord? Do you think He would equip you if He called you?

Today’s Devotions

A few months ago, I woke up with the Lord saying that He was teaching me the “love of the Father.” This was very exciting! I’m now listening, waiting, and looking for ways in which I continue to see His love expressed. Everything the Lord does is out of His love for His sons and daughters.

My dad left us when I was three years old. I grew up the middle child of a single mom doing the best she could. I honor her for seeds planted during Bible study with my sister and me at the kitchen table. Through the people the Lord put in my life, He’s teaching me what He is like as Father. And, like an earthly father, the Lord wants us to “graduate” and walk into the higher learning of His kingdom through our one-on-one relationship with Him. Galatians 4:1-2 shows us that we are “heirs” and that God puts “guardians and stewards” over us so we might grow up in all things into Him (Ephesians 4:15) and become mature believers.

My first pastor taught the Word chapter by chapter, verse by verse, and I learned the foundations of Christianity: Yahweh as the only God, Christ as His only Son, and the only way to eternal life; the Scriptures as the explicit, inerrant Word of God.

Later, the Lord led me to a church where I learned of the infilling of the Holy Spirit, His work in our lives, and the healing of old emotional wounds. Now I am seeking to learn the deeper truths of His Word and kingdom. The more time I spend with Him, intimacy with Father God deepens and a knowledge of His love in a more personal way than ever before. I pray we are all faithful in this pursuit.

As His heir, we have an inheritance and Christ wants us to receive all He died to give us.

Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!” Therefore you are … a son, then an heir of God through Christ. 
(Galatians 4:6-7)

Jesus called His Father “Abba” as did the Apostle Paul. There are many names of God, but I find this one to be personal and endearing. It makes me feel like I can reach out and touch Him. Truly, we all can. Strong’s concordance explains that “Abba” is one of the most sacred names of God. Abba: our master and teacher, our creator who brought each one of us into being, imparting to us His likeness and bestowing on us His benefits as any parent would want to. Doesn’t that make you feel special? This Aramaic term reveals a deep, intimate relationship. This is God’s great desire for us. He cares about everything that concerns us and we can be certain of His faithfulness. Earthly fathers aren’t always faithful, but Abba is.

Even with the best dad the world has to offer, the void in our hearts will not be filled without knowing God’s love. Abba desires to fill every void in our hearts with His love and presence. I love it that His arms are always open wide to enfold us.

Lord, we open our hearts to You today and ask that You keep us hungry, make us teachable so we can grow up in You. Teach us Your love, the love that is like no other. Fill us with Your love that we may love others as You do.

Today’s Devotions

When I was about eight years old, my mom realized that I needed reading glasses. Back then, kids who wore glasses were made fun of in school. I was also a tomboy so I was teased every day about something and I eventually felt like I didn’t “fit in” with the other kids in my class. Because I was raised in a Christian family, I respected others and followed the rules but I eventually began to act out in order to be noticed and feel included. I joined in on the name-calling and insults being hurled by the other kids. I’d even be a distraction in class by doing things that would make everyone laugh. The teacher didn’t appreciate it and I got called out on it. I knew better, but I wanted people to like me.

Recently, I was reading through the book of Galatians and was surprised to learn in Chapter two that even Peter, one of God’s closest Apostles, succumbed to some peer pressure. Peter had apparently been socializing with unsaved Gentiles. His conservative Jewish friends would have expected him to teach the Gentiles that they needed to follow the Jewish laws (including circumcision) to be true believers and accepted as Christ followers; but Peter did not. So, when those friends arrived in town, he distanced himself from the Gentiles because he didn’t want it known that he wasn’t living up to the conservative teaching standards.

The Apostle Paul was in Jerusalem at this time and knew exactly what Peter was doing and was quick to expose him in front of everyone:

Later, when Peter came to Antioch, I had a face-to-face confrontation with him because he was clearly out of line. Earlier, before certain persons had come from James, Peter regularly ate with the non-Jews. But when that conservative group came from Jerusalem, he cautiously pulled back and put as much distance as he could manage between himself and his non-Jewish friends. That’s how fearful he was of the conservative Jewish clique that’s been pushing the old system of circumcision. But when I saw that they were not maintaining a steady, straight course according to the Message, I spoke up to Peter in front of them all: “If you, a Jew, live like a non-Jew when you’re not being observed by the watchdogs from Jerusalem, what right do you have to require non-Jews to conform to Jewish customs just to make a favorable impression on your friends from Jerusalem?” (Galatians 2:11-14 MSG)

Like Peter, I felt embarrassed when I was called out in front of my class. I had to apologize for disrupting the class and my teacher. If I felt humiliated as a child, I can only imagine how Peter must have felt as an adult. As a Christian in my mid-40’s, my glasses are now fashionable, and my tomboy ways are more appealing, but most importantly, I realize that obedience to God’s commandments is so much more important than worrying about what other people think. Instead, I should use every opportunity to share the good news by setting a good example for non-Christians to follow.

Pray with me:
Lord Jesus Christ, please help us to stay true to You and Your pure Gospel message. You tell us that Your grace is all we need and to love You with all our hearts, souls, and minds and love others as we do ourselves. As we learn to walk through this life, please give us the courage to avoid peer pressure and the strength to stand on what we know is true about You. Use us to love others into Your kingdom and represent Your open arms and nail-scarred hands.

~

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12 NIV)

I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. (Ecclesiastes 9:11)

For years I dreamed of working as a makeup artist for CBN.

You see, my Christian faith is infused into every fiber of my being. This proved to be a challenge on some of the sets where I found myself and I was constantly monitoring my conversations to be sure not to offend anyone by speaking of this Jesus who I love so much.

But how could I keep quiet about His goodness towards me? The fact that I’m even able to perform the tasks that I do with my hands is a miracle in and of itself. I’ve never had any formal training or been to school for my craft. My hands have been blessed by the Master.

Nevertheless, it was only a matter of time before I mentioned the name of Jesus and was being pulled aside with a stern talking to regarding discussing religion on the set.

On the heels of my fourth rejection I was feeling defeated. I doubted my skill level and abilities. On top of that, there were several instances on the set with other artists where they spoke negatively about me when they thought I wasn’t listening.

One night while searching through social media, I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to search “makeup artists” and “CBN.” An artist who had worked for CBN came up. I sent her an email explaining my story and she informed me that she wasn’t able to help me at that time. But sometime later she contacted me with the news that CBN was seeking an artist for the Washington, D.C., bureau! I submitted my application that day. Shortly after that I would receive a phone call for an interview, an audition, and then an offer of a position as makeup artist with CBN. Wow! How amazing!

If you are reading this with a dream that may be deferred, let me encourage you: God hasn’t forgotten about you. I honestly wanted to give up at times. But the race isn’t given to the swift or to the strong, but to the one who endures until the end. Amidst obstacles and disappointments, stand strong knowing that in due season you will reap (Galatians 6:9).

Today’s Devotions